Are you feeling hurt while reading this?
Maybe not now. But, if you are a breathing human (if you’re reading this, I guess you are) the chances are that you’ve been hurt once or twice in this life. Or maybe a lot.
It seems that getting hurt is part of being human itself. It is something that is bound to happen in human relationships. However, it doesn’t have anything to do with you being strong or weak.
What can I say? We are troublemakers by nature. But, dealing with the feeling of being hurt the right way is important to be able to grow and move on.
So? If you’ve ever been hurt or you are feeling hurt right now, let’s see what you can do to feel better as soon as possible.
6 Important Things You Must Do When You Are Feeling Hurt
1. Explore your Emotions
One of the biggest mistakes you can do when you are feeling hurt is trying to hide or deny your feelings. Suppressing your emotions and feelings is never a good thing to do.
Although it might be a way to protect yourself from feeling something negative, the first step to getting better is being upfront. In other words, you must feel your emotions to be able to heal them. To do this, you must be clear about what you are feeling and the reason behind it. To be clear about what’s going on:
Go over what happened
First things first… What happened? Who hurt you? How did you felt at the moment? Make sure to look at every single aspect of the situation that made you feel hurt. Look at the background story if there is any and the people involved.
How are you feeling?
Second, ask yourself what is going on inside you. Put a name to “the feeling”. If you are not sure how to describe it, maybe one (or a few) of the following words can help:
You can find more words to describe your emotions here.
Find your why
Later, answer “Why are you feeling this way?”. Maybe you thought you deserved better or you thought someone was always going to be there for you. Ask yourself “Why am I so hurt”? Ask it a few times until you get to the bottom of the truth.
What does your why says about you?
After finding why you are feeling hurt, understand what does that says about you? Is there something that’s particularly triggering for you? Are you expectation on people realistic? Sometimes, when somebody hurts you, you can learn something about yourself too.
Look at the other person’s side of the story
Did the person hurt you intentionally? Does he or she understands the situation? There are situations when you’ve might end up hurt unintentionally. These situations usually involve a problem of communication.
Is there something left to say?
Think about the way things escalated and how they ended. Maybe you feel like there is something more to be said. Finally think about what you would have liked to be different. You’ll see what to do about “what’s left unsaid” in the second step.
2. Express your emotions
Cry it out
Although crying may not be your favorite thing to do, it is a great way to express yourself when you are feeling hurt. It is important to understand that letting your tears flow isn’t a signal of weakness. It is ok to do so!
If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to cry in front of someone, although having somebody to lean on can comfort you like nothing else.
Write down your emotions
Sometimes, when you are not in the mood to talk to anybody, writing can help. Writing in a journal, a daily log, or even sticky notes can help to express your emotions healthily. Why? Because you can let yourself be honest and you get to put a name to your emotions.
Talk to someone about it
If you have someone you trust, reach out. Sit down with a friend or a family member and tell them about the what happened and the fact that you are feeling hurt. Choosing the right person for doing this is important. Talking to a good friend about this can help you get the comfort and advice that you need.
3. Take a break for yourself
Have some alone time
If possible, step away from the drama for a while. Take a day off and go to the beach, watch a good movie or go for a hike in the woods. Let your emotions rest. Sometimes is better to clear your head a bit before being able to take action. Be careful though, you can’t extend this break too much, since it would mean you are avoiding the problem.
Nobody can take care of you better than yourself. Whenever you are feeling hurt, make sure to give your mind, body and soul as much love as you can. Pamper yourself with a day of self-care.
Take a warm bath, do a pedicure or dress your bed. Dedicate time to slow down and relax. If you are not sure what to do, you can find the perfect self-care routine here.
4. Start working on not feeling hurt anymore
Make a plan
After having enough time to feel your emotions and understand why you are feeling hurt, there will come the moment when you’ll need to look ahead. Now that you’ve embraced your emotions and gave yourself the time to process them, you must work on feeling better.
First, if the situation involved a person who is close to you, think about the best way to communicate how you felt. Maybe you could make a phone call or grab a coffee together. Think about the things you need to say. Also, keep in mind the best way to communicate so you can prevent a similar situation from happening again.
If you are no longer in contact if the person who hurt you, then think how to have closure by yourself. Reflect about the things you need to do to feel better and to let go.
Consider the fact that you will not receive an apology always and that even if you do, it will not necessarily turn things to how they were before.
After you’ve consider what comes up next, it is time to take action. You can schedule a meeting with the person who’ve hurt you. If the case doesn’t allow it, then execute your plan to feel better by yourself. That plan can be as short or as long as you need. The final goal is to heal and to make closure.
Taking action so you don’t feel hurt doesn’t mean that you’ll feel better quickly. It means you’ve actively decided to start working on feeling better. There is a difference. On the second scenario, you might continue to feel hurt even if you are already working on it or after receiving an apology.
The important thing is to be honest with yourself and to be patient in understanding that healing is different for everyone. And, if it is too hard to work on it on your own, look for professional help.
5. Stay present a.k.a let go of the past
So, either if you continue a relationship with the person who hurt you or you are no longer in contact, it is possible that you find yourself going back to the moment when everything happened.
You see, healing is a tricky thing. At moments, you might feel ok. Suddenly, you feel upset again for something you’ve already talked through.
Therefore, you must actively and constantly decide to let go. Remember yourself that you are working on moving on. It doesn’t matter how much you go over it, you can’t change the past.
6. Stay positive and look ahead
When you are hurt big time, you can develop a sudden fear of getting hurt again. It can be by the same person or other people. As a result, you can look at every action, relationship and situation with disbelief.
In moments when you get intrusive thoughts, keep in mind that trusting people is hard, but living alone and afraid is even harder.
Make sure to remember communication is key to maintain healthy relationships. Also, keep present that not everyone is the same. If you keep feeling this way even after you thought you were done with your process, look for professional help.
Up to you
Human relationships can be beautiful. Yet, they can also be a complete mess. In fact, it is possible that you get hurt more than a few times in life. However, remember that when you are feeling hurt you must explore your emotions, express them and act to feel better.
Keep in mind that it is vital to go through the right process to heal your soul.
Finally, look ahead with positivity. Beautiful things wait for you.
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